Today I turn the big 3-0, which is equal parts exciting and terrifying. Though I don’t expect a Jessie Spano-style birthday meltdown, I still feel the impending doom of closing one door—in this case, a decade—and starting the next chapter. But the other half of me feels incredibly relieved to say peace out to my twenties.
I’ve never been the type of person with a timeline. I’m still not sure what the universe has in store for me re: marriage, kids, job security, or real estate, and I definitely didn’t feel that those milestones of adulthood needed to happen by the age of 30. Though I did expect to own a dining room table by now…
But while my twenties weren’t a panicked race against the clock, there were definitely plenty of moments (or, let’s be honest, months) when I couldn’t wait for them to be over. I didn’t need to feel that my life was settled in the traditional sense—by way of a husband or a mortgage—but I often wished that I could emerge from the dark tunnel of uncertainly. That the gnawing sense of unknowing would evaporate like the morning mist and I would wake up at 30 having my shit together.
If the bad metaphor I just wrote is any indication, today was not that morning. The clarity and the mastery I envisioned for myself still leave me wanting, as I’m sure my projections of the future always will. But I’ve had plenty of time to pause and reflect this year as I churn through the 300 pages of my memoir. And I will say that I’m definitely starting this next decade with a much better handle on what I want my life to feel like, even if I can’t completely let go of the anxiety of not knowing what that will look like on paper.
My astrologer (yes, don’t judge me) has been a huge helping hand through the fog. In the language of the stars, the turbulence of your mid-twenties is due to the energy of Saturn going over all the planets in your chart, until it reaches the spot in the sky where it was when you were born. As that foxy sage Susan Miller describes it: “Saturn, the Great Teacher planet, brings maturity and teaches us the value of patience and sacrifice.” It forces us to deal with reality, decide what’s truly important to us, and shed the dead weight. This period of “Saturn Return” is the emotional equivalent of puberty. It catalyzes and requires us to accept unsettling change, initiating us into a whole new world of grown up problems as a result.
Saturn Return is often a solitary time. You have the feeling of being alone in the desert with your thoughts. Which can be maddening. Like pigeon pose in yoga, it’s best to just breathe through the pain and try not to fixate on it. At least, that’s what I’ve been telling myself this year through all the bouts of writing-related self-doubt and flagellation. It’s my strong belief that Saturn hits you doubly hard when you go to work every day by yourself and analyze your crazy thoughts for a living. (Don’t mind this post, just another day at the office!).
So as part of my ascent from quarter-life, I am equally happy to bid Saturn farewell until the next return 29 years from now. Let’s just hope I learned my lessons this time around so I don’t become the proud owner of a midlife crisis convertible in later years.
In the meantime, I hope you know how grateful I am for the huge part you’ve played in my last decade. I might still be lacking the mastery I envisioned for myself, but all your comments, feedback and support have kept me going on this wacky food path when the way was even less clear and more scary than it is right now. I can’t thank you enough.
Oh, and this Moroccan chicken recipe! Consider it a small token of my gratitude, or just what I would love to have a candle put in tonight if my parents weren’t already sourcing me a slice of gluten-free cake. It’s an easy hands-off version of a tagine – this classic Moroccan stew. You literally just throw all the ingredients in a pan and let it bake for an hour. Just the kind of painless weeknight meal this creaky 30-something needs in her life right about now.
I developed the recipe for my Mind Body Green cooking e-course which launches TOMORROW. As a birthday gift, I hope you’ll all check it out. It’s definitely an accomplishment that makes me feel worthy of 30.
Wishing you lots of deliciousness on your next milestone, and many happy returns,
Xoxo
Phoebe
p.s. oh and my birthday gift this year from my parents was a new camera, which in turn will be a big gift to you all. I finally after 6 years of blogging have upgraded from my Canon Rebel SLR to a D5. Please be patient as I learn how to use it, but I can already see a difference in these chicken photos!!
Baked Moroccan Chicken Thighs with Carrots
Ingredients
- 1 pound boneless skinless chicken thighs
- One 15-ounce can chickpeas rinsed and drained (or 2 cups cooked)
- 6 medium carrots about ¾ pound, peeled and cut into 2-inch pieces
- 2 shallots roughly chopped
- 2 cloves garlic minced
- 1 teaspoon ground cumin
- 1/2 teaspoon ground turmeric
- 1/2 teaspoons ground ginger
- 1 teaspoon salt
- ¼ cup lemon juice
- ¼ cup olive oil
Instructions
- Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F.
- In a 9 x 13 baking dish or casserole pan, combine all the ingredients until the chicken and carrots are well-coated in the oil and spice mixture.
- Roast in the oven until the chicken is fork-tender and the carrots are caramelized, about 1 hour.
- Serve over quinoa and garnish with cilantro, parsley, or mint and lemon wedges.
Nutrition
If you make this, tag @phoebelapine and #feedmephoebe - I'd love to see it!
Tagines are my fave. I never get sick of those spices with cilantro. BTWT the photos are primo. Happy birthday!
Oh I love Susan Miller!!! I could read her predictions for days! Happy birthday!!! 30 is a big one but exciting. Not as traumatic as people make it out to be! The pictures and food look fantastic. Great camera upgrade!
Aw Stefanie, thanks for cheering me on since the beginning! Appreciate the birthday love. And all the love really. xoxox
Happy Birthday. No panic required. Lots look forward to, lots to see, so much to do, so much to experience yet, so much yet to learn, so much more fun to have, so much love in your life to come!
From an 86 year old!!
Ah, Betty!! You’re my hero! Thank you for sharing some wisdom with me. And for the birthday wishes. Much love, Phoebe
A very happy birthday to you, fellow Food Network blogger!! I’m a few decades deeper into life than you are today, and there are times I still wonder and yearn. No regrets, but I’m not sure I’m hard wired to be settled. But I can state that every decade is better, and I just passed the 60 mark last year. As long as we can say that, I figure we must be on the right track. Oh, and I covet the D5. I still have my trusty Rebel, but maybe next year I’ll do the upgrade. Your photos are lovely!
ahhh thanks so much for the pep talk susan!! you sound like you have it all figured out 🙂 i’m loving the D5 so far! but certainly took a long lead up and a milestone like this to justify the purchase. it was a great way though to get me to reinvest in my photography – i had been getting lazy and complacent! xoxoxo
Happy belated birthday! I wanted to thank you for this delicious and easy recipe – my husband and I had it for dinner last night, and he reports that the leftovers today tasted even better!
ahhh thank you for making Samantha!! you’re so ON IT! I definitely believe your hub – all those spices always get better with time when i make tagines, they’re always best on the third day!
Happy belated birthday! I really like your blog and I’m so happy I found it! 🙂 Have a great day!
Thank you Sarah!! xoxox
Once again, allow us to express our wishes for a long, healthy, happy and creative future ahead!:)
We don’t believe in astrology ourselves, but we know this; We wish we could go back to being 30, since we’re ending this decade and are heading on to the big 4-0(and it’s frightening!). You’re still VERY young to be worried about kids, mortgages etc dear Phoebe!:) Our 30s experience says that this is the best decade of you life. This is the decade when you mature (in a good way) and you’re also more creative. In addition to that, you learn to appreciate the things in your life (even the simplest ones), and you start understanding what the whole story about life is about, in a more philosophical sense. You will feel less and less anxious, worried, angry etc. You will love more. At least, that’s what our 30s was about:)
Oh the recipe; LOVED IT. Cumin is an amazing spice, and we never skip a great recipe that includes it:)
Sending you lots of hugs,
Panos and Mirella
xoxoxo
I hope you are right!! I’m very excited for this decade. Thank you as always for all the wonderful words of encouragement. And high fives for cumin! xoxox
Just made the buffalo cauliflower. Love it just not as much as I loved being at the Tavern. Did u, by chance, have the red velvet waffle? Incredible! Or did you em one on a drink called the Existentialist? So fresh, so good! We got the ingredients for the Existentialist. It includes muddled cucumber, st. Germain, gin and club soda. So good you’ll convindw yourself it’s a health drink. Thanks for the recipe. I’ll be making these often.
mmmm thanks for sharing this cocktail shelly! I didn’t have it unfort, and couldn’t have eaten the waffle (gluten!), so glad I didn’t see it on the menu for the love of FOMO! xoxoxo
excellent recipe! made this for dinner last night – couldn’t be easier! sauteed some garlicky kale and cooked up some quinoa to go with it. terrific flavor. and super satisfying. makes a great leftover lunchbox for the next day, too. thanks!
hooray!! it’s honestly one of my favorites, so I’m thrilled that others are making it. It’s definitely one of those recipes that gets better the next day! perfect for lunches. thank you for reporting back – I so appreciate it! xoxo
enjoying the leftovers now. 🙂 love, love, love that warm lemon accent!
big virtual high fives on that.
I love chicken recipes. I will definitely try this one. This is perfect for a weekend family lunch. Hope they will like it.
yay!