I talk a lot of smack about the juice industry in New York. Sure, a big bottle of Doctor Green or Mother Earth makes you feel really healthy while it’s going down. But then you look at your bank account three days later and realize you might not make rent because your pursuit of hydration is bleeding you dry. The worst offender in terms of price point is probably Juice Press. But unfortunately for my moneybags, it not only has one of my favorite juices around, but also some of the best food.
During my detox I was very committed to eating organic, and didn’t temporarily mind if I was hemorrhaging money just so my liver could clean my blood properly without any interference from pesky pesticides. If I didn’t have time to make my marinated kale salad, Juice Press’ was a delicious alternative. I also became addicted to their raw falafel, which the lady at the register recommended I mush all together and eat more like a salad covered in a viscous brown paste. (If you’re eating alone, this is definitely the way to go). But my favorite teeny tiny container of food is the kelp me summer noodles in almond butter sesame sauce.
Kelp noodles are made entirely from sea plants and are big in health circles because they contain a baller amount of iodine. This is one of the many things I’m currently deficient in, so I’ve rationalized my intense craving for these noodles as a deep seeded longing in my blood cells. But I probably just like them because they’re delicious and remind me of my all-time favorite brown rice peanut noodles.
The beauty of kelp noodles is that they’re raw and don’t need to be cooked. When I took mine out of the package in an attempt to recreate the Juice Press sesame noodles at home, I was shocked by how tough they were. In order to make them manageably sized, you actually have to cut them into strands with scissors, which, unless you want your kelp noodles to double as a jump rope, or to try a lady and the tramp style kiss all the way from your neighbors apartment, I highly recommend you do. The noodles are so sturdy and crunchy, I was convinced that contrary to the establishment’s raw manifesto, they were secretly par boiling kelp noodles in the back. But once combined with the sauce, they seemed to soften a bit. And in the same bite with julienned carrots, you hardly notice where that slight bite is coming from.
As it turns out, this kelp noodle recipe was very easy to recreate (although I streamlined the sauces into just one spicy jalapeno sesame sauce). I’ll now make a batch at the beginning of the week for lunch. And in doing so, I save myself the $20 it used to cost to get two containers delivered to my door. Either I need to eat twice as much as the average Juice Press customer, or everyone else is just pretending not to be starving. So the best possible perk of this homemade kelp noodle recipe is that I can eat as much of them as I want.
Almond-Sesame Noodles with Kelp Pasta
Rinse the kelp noodles in a colander and cut in half (roughly) with scissors. This will make it easier to toss them in the sauce. Transfer to a mixing bowl with the carrots and scallions.
In a food processor, combine the remaining ingredients and puree until smooth. Add more water as necessary so the sauce is thinner than ranch dressing.
Add the sauce to the mixing bowl and toss until the noodles are very well coated. Serve immediately or store in the fridge for up to a week.
You can find kelp noodles at the health food store. They are usually stored at room temperature in the pasta isle.